Don�t be a mouse for your man

13 November 2005 ~ 01:57

Joan Smith (8 November) writes in support of New York columnist Maureen Dowd, who caused a storm by suggesting that, despite years of feminism, men still feel threatened by assertive women. I feel that this is an issue in the battle of the sexes which requires some give and take�and over which there are not as many differences between the two sides of the Atlantic as commentators might suggest.

When I told my American mother-in-law about Dowd�s column she immediately said �You have to put a man first. Be powerful, but remember he is first and don�t try to be better.� Most people in my generation would rather be single than have a man like that.

But you can still try to look good for your man, cook his favourite foods and tell him he looks good, without having to be a submissive mouse. It�s the combination of care and nurture and a healthy intelligence which I would call charming in a relationship.

At the end of the day, any man who wasn�t screwed up in some way would prefer an intelligent partner, but any woman would want an intelligent man too.